My Trip to Vegas

8 Feb

So I recently came back from a long weekend in Vegas. Here is what I came away with:

1. My inability to walk across a flat surface is not relegated to the State of Washington. How do you know this, you ask? That’s a great question; I know this because I manged to fall off a curb and sprain my foot in the first hour and a half I was there. Fucking awesome, let me tell ya. And before you ask, no, I wasn’t drunk, yet.

2. Rent a Rascal, pay for a Giglio to piggy back you down the strip, which would be my pick, preferably Brace cause he is just awesome from head to toe…I love the show…sorry I got off track. Where was I? Oh yeah, pay one of the many characters that litter the strip to push you in either a wheel barrel or wheel chair, you don’t want them touching you because they are all kinda dirty (touch more on this subject), or the less fun option would be get a bus pass. Unless you plan on sitting in the hotel casino and not moving for days on end, you will be walking. By walking I mean, hiking 10 miles to get places and your feet will feel like they are on fire and are moments away from detaching themselves from your body and never moving again. Imagine that with a sprained foot, it was glorious. I think by the end I half expected my feet to chop themselves off and murder me in my sleep for the torture I instilled upon them. Needles to say, towards the end we took the bus- first time riding public transportation.

3) Mini Mouse likes her beer and Garfield is a chain smoker. (see Pic)

4) Saw the Bodies exhibit where they preserve the bodies and dissect them so you can see who thing look and how the work- Super Awesome. I do however enjoy morbid things such as that. Word to wise, don’t eat right before if you have a weak stomach. Some of the others in me group didn’t feel so good after.

5) Topless Vampires dancing to classic rock songs. What, it’s Vegas. I was told if I go to Vegas I must see a topless show. I like vampires and classic rock so I thought, let’s see some boobs. Honestly, after the initial, wow there’s a lot of boobs hanging out, you are more interested in the show and forget about the lumps of exposed flesh. However seeing them fit and in shape does take a small hit to your self-esteem. Made me want to go work out. I want abs too!

6) After 9 pm hemlines on dresses border on long shirts. I started to feel out-of-place without my hooker clothes.

7) Zip lining is awesome! I was surprised to find I wasn’t the least bit nervous. Next up- sky diving!

8) Downtown casinos is where the busted up show girls and dancers who’ve had multiple babies go to die, I mean work.

9) The giant strawberry daiquiri was delicious not really but when you drink enough it becomes very yummy.

10)Need a job? Dress up like any character you want, stand out on the street, take pictures with drunk people to get tips. Who needs a 9-5 paying job with benefits when you can dress up like Wonder Woman or Hello Kitty all day.

All in all it was a good trip. Will I go back again anytime soon? No, I think once every ten years is enough.

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