The Marty Chronicles …Episode 3 – Do NOT call me at work

14 Apr
It’s 1994.  Marty and I have been living together for about a year & a half.  I’m the supervisor/trainer at an answering service with 120% staff turnover every year and some of the lowest wages around.  I work 10-12 hour days, 5-6 days a week and usually have a trainee plugged in to my headset so they can listen and learn call-control and how to use the system.
Marty works at a lumber mill – usually graveyard or swing shift and he works overtime on a regular basis too – so we come and go and different times and often went 24 hours or more without seeing each other awake.  When he woke up in the afternoon or evening, he had a habit of calling me at work and just blurting things out that I would rather he not share with my trainee/co-worker – especially after I’d explained the strict policy against taking personal calls at your workstation and warned them that we tracked this kind of thing.  This was before cell phones and caller ID – the phone rang and you didn’t know who was calling until they spoke (scary to think about that now huh?)  He always called on my supervisor line which was supposed to be for clients who either needed to make account changes or complain about something.  After explaining to him several times that he should only call me for something urgent and he needed to ask me if I had a trainee listening before saying anything other than “hello” – and him subsequently “forgetting” and doing it anyway – I finally told him he was not allowed to call me at work anymore unless it was a dire emergency – like blood, fire, or earthquake.  Wanting me to pick up McNuggets for him (my work was next to a McDonald’s) was not considered an emergency.  Nor was asking me where things are – especially things he doesn’t necessarily want/need to use at the time, or things that were not appropriate to talk about in front of others.  He said he understood.
He didn’t.

Beep, Beep (at the answering service we had over 1000 different lines coming in – the phones didn’t ring – they beeped).

Me :     “Thank you for calling (company name), this is Kim, how may I help you?”

Marty : “Hi Snuggly (which is the pet name he came up with to try and make up for calling me a fuzzy kitty – he decided snuggly bunny worked better – which it totally didn’t)…..but I digress. ….

“Hi Snuggly – where’d you hide the stash?”

Me :  Frantically grabbing for the Y-connector that hooks my headset to my trainee’s headset and yanking it apart – I cringe and hiss “Marty!! I told you not to call me at work!!” I smile weakly and make an apologetic face to my trainee while turning toward the divider “WHAT do you want?!”

Marty :  brilliantly attempting to speak in “code”   “Uh I want to uhhhhh….make some toast, so I thought I’d ask you where you hid the bread – because uh I need to toast it………..cuz I like toast”

Me : “It’s just us on the line now.  You CANNOT call me about this at work!!  I’ve told you 100 times – and you know where things are because you are the one who used things last.”

Marty : “Oh – sorry – I forgot where it was……..oh yeah – I put it in the closet….sorry, Snuggly”  “Well, since I’m already talkin to ya – can you bring me home a 20 piece chicken nugget and a large fry?”

Me : “I’m going to kill you”

Marty : “And a couple of apple pies………yeah – hot apple pie”

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